Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Fifty Shades Freed

Sweet baby Jesus it's over. I finished the damned trilogy. Many people assured me that this was their favorite one because it had the most action. Hell, the most action was still the sex scenes! There is a "minor" kidnapping drama that is solved in about ten pages, but other than that it's ALL BONING! Rubbing uglies. Naked dancing. Bam-bam in the ham. Knocking boots. Making whoopee. Riding the Bony Express. Hanky panky. You get the picture. Gobs and gobs of sex. Luckily for Ana married sex is still just as great and they're still finding ways to spice it up. That's right folks, after two books we finally get to ass play!! We learn that Ana has no idea how to clean a butt plug and that Christian expects the cleaning lady to clean his dirty toys.... barf. Ana has also accidentally forgotten to take her monthly birth control shot. Oopsie daisy. Too bad they didn't just stick to butt sex because now she's knocked up. And oh no, Christian is gonna flip, they've only been married for like a minute! Just as she suspects he freaks the fuck out, gets drunk sees his old dominatrix and friendly neighborhood child molester and gives Ana the cold shoulder. Then she gets kidnapped, Christian feels terrible, Ana gets saved, their relationship returns to perfect and they end up happily ever after with a bundle of kids. Psh, yeah right. I can't wait to see how this one plays out in the movies. I'm just glad I finished this trilogy and can finally move on with my life.

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