Tuesday, January 30, 2018

50 Shades of Grey

Ok... This is my second time re-reading it. SECOND!! That's not a brag either, it's more like self-inflicted torture for the sake of .... seeing the movies... Go ahead and judge me. It can't be any worse than I'm judging myself. I read this six years ago and for posterity, I have the review that naive, grad student me, wrote preserved down below (read at your own risk). As I've "grown up" my opinions have definitely changed so here's my take on the book... WHAT THE HELL?! This is the most abusive, fucked up relationship ever!! Christian Grey is such a douche-canoe and Ana is literally the dumbest, most naive, un-confident, doormat. All Christian Grey has going for him is his good looks and money. There is nothing redeeming or sexy about his personality. He's controlling, abusive, inconsiderate, and the biggest stalker ever! Just imagine this story featured a man in a trailer park that was unattractive, broke, into BDSM, had a tendency for stalking, and had a red room of pain..... not so hot huh?!?! Christian Grey buys his way into Ana's life (with cars, computers, $14,000 first edition books, you name it) and tries to inflict his lifestyle on her even though she's a virgin (she's never been attracted to another man before...... ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?). She quickly tosses away her v-card and tentatively agrees to try out the whips, chains, and hand cuffs. For someone so inexperienced (never even masturbated... bitch please, you just graduated college!) she starts dropping orgasms all over the place, like 15 a day. Super realistic. She's madly in love with him so she'll do whatever it takes to make Christian love her back. Even if it means doing shit she's uncomfortable with. Christian isn't into "love" or "vanilla," he only gets off by inflicting pain and having others obey his every command. He blames it on his "tortured past." Ana is convinced that she can change him and they can have a real relationship.... because that's realistic. Ugh.... this book is mommy porn and if you want erotica there is soo much better shit out there. Shit that features HEALTHY relationships. Christian is so over the top, don't even get me started on his obsession with making Ana eat. He doesn't shut up about her eating habits. Leave the girl alone! You're gonna give that dumb bitch an eating disorder! The most unrealistic part about this book however, is the part where an Ana, an English major, gets a job immediately after graduation.... WITH AN ENGLISH DEGREE. I can't anymore. Read at your own peril.

Review from 2012:
Wow. I don't even know where to start on this one. My first comment is on the highly misleading award on the back, "A GoodReads Choice Award Finalist for Best Romance." This book is not exactly what you would call "romantic." Erotic, check. Sensual, check. Sexually charged, check. Romantic, no. That being said I did enjoy the book and knew what I was getting myself into. After no less than three of my close friends chastised me for not reading this book I knew I had to make it a priority. It's definitely a compelling read, you have to find out more. You can't stop reading. It's maddingly addictive. The story follows young Anastasia as she falls head over heels for sexy billionaire Christian Grey who wants to do nothing more than punish her. They form an odd relationship that is quite erotic (as fitting with Christian's tastes) and Anastasia struggles to come to terms with their different notions of love and what makes an appropriate relationship. Of course I will be reading the next two in the trilogy. It's too damn good to put down. This is a great book, but not a light read or for those faint of heart. If you embarrass easily please don't read in public, you'll find yourself blushing every other page. Enjoy!!

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