50 Shades of Grey

Ok... This is my second time re-reading it. SECOND!! That's not a brag either, it's more like self-inflicted torture for the sake of .... seeing the movies... Go ahead and judge me. It can't be any worse than I'm judging myself. I read this six years ago and for posterity, I have the review that naive, grad student me, wrote preserved down below (read at your own risk). As I've "grown up" my opinions have definitely changed so here's my take on the book... WHAT THE HELL?! This is the most abusive, fucked up relationship ever!! Christian Grey is such a douche-canoe and Ana is literally the dumbest, most naive, un-confident, doormat. All Christian Grey has going for him is his good looks and money. There is nothing redeeming or sexy about his personality. He's controlling, abusive, inconsiderate, and the biggest stalker ever! Just imagine this story featured a man in a trailer park that was unattractive, broke, into BDSM, had a tendency for stalking, and had a red room of pain..... not so hot huh?!?! Christian Grey buys his way into Ana's life (with cars, computers, $14,000 first edition books, you name it) and tries to inflict his lifestyle on her even though she's a virgin (she's never been attracted to another man before...... ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?). She quickly tosses away her v-card and tentatively agrees to try out the whips, chains, and hand cuffs. For someone so inexperienced (never even masturbated... bitch please, you just graduated college!) she starts dropping orgasms all over the place, like 15 a day. Super realistic. She's madly in love with him so she'll do whatever it takes to make Christian love her back. Even if it means doing shit she's uncomfortable with. Christian isn't into "love" or "vanilla," he only gets off by inflicting pain and having others obey his every command. He blames it on his "tortured past." Ana is convinced that she can change him and they can have a real relationship.... because that's realistic. Ugh.... this book is mommy porn and if you want erotica there is soo much better shit out there. Shit that features HEALTHY relationships. Christian is so over the top, don't even get me started on his obsession with making Ana eat. He doesn't shut up about her eating habits. Leave the girl alone! You're gonna give that dumb bitch an eating disorder! The most unrealistic part about this book however, is the part where an Ana, an English major, gets a job immediately after graduation.... WITH AN ENGLISH DEGREE. I can't anymore. Read at your own peril.

Review from 2012:
Wow. I don't even know where to start on this one. My first comment is on the highly misleading award on the back, "A GoodReads Choice Award Finalist for Best Romance." This book is not exactly what you would call "romantic." Erotic, check. Sensual, check. Sexually charged, check. Romantic, no. That being said I did enjoy the book and knew what I was getting myself into. After no less than three of my close friends chastised me for not reading this book I knew I had to make it a priority. It's definitely a compelling read, you have to find out more. You can't stop reading. It's maddingly addictive. The story follows young Anastasia as she falls head over heels for sexy billionaire Christian Grey who wants to do nothing more than punish her. They form an odd relationship that is quite erotic (as fitting with Christian's tastes) and Anastasia struggles to come to terms with their different notions of love and what makes an appropriate relationship. Of course I will be reading the next two in the trilogy. It's too damn good to put down. This is a great book, but not a light read or for those faint of heart. If you embarrass easily please don't read in public, you'll find yourself blushing every other page. Enjoy!!

Bloodline

I've been on a bit of a Star Wars kick, so basically that involves me reading all the semi new Star Wars books I stumble across at work. This makes the 3rd one in a month and it may be my favorite!Bloodline follows Princess Lei two decades after "Return of the Jedi." She is still heavily involved in politics and serving as senator. Even though the Empire is long gone there is still trouble in the Senate. The Populists and the Centrists are always at each others throats and nothing constructive ever seems to get accomplished. Leia is seriously considering retiring but when an opportunity to invest a potential new threat to the galaxy comes up she springs on the chance to have a little adventure. A young power thirst Populist decides to accompany her on her mission and the two of them have no idea what is in store for them or the galaxy. Lots of fun and has new characters as well as old (Han! C3PO! Chewie! Luke!). I loved this, it fit seamlessly into the Star Wars universe and takes place about a decade before "The Force Awakens." I loved it!

Murder on the Orient Express

Surprisingly, only the second Agatha Christie novel I've ever read, the first being "And Then There Were None." This one has been on my "to be read" shelf for years. Literally years. It took the movie coming out (and a book club) to get my butt in gear. I was not disappointed. It's a classic whoddunit, that keeps you guessing until the very end (although I was pretty close to figuring it out!). Famed detective, Hercule Poirot, is riding on the Orient Express because he must get back to London for a case. While on the train a murder occurs and he is tasked with discovering who the murderer is because there is no way he or she could have left the train. Lots of red herrings, interesting characters, sketchy motives, and puzzles. It was great and it definitely makes me want to read other books in the Poirot series! I'm glad however, that they can be read out of order because they are all stand alone novels.

Blockade Billy

Not my favorite Stephen King short story collection, but still masterfully written. Unlike the title suggests there is more than one story included in this book. "Blockade Billy," the gruesome and surprising baseball story is up first, followed by "Morality" which is a chilling tale about how far people will go for money. Both were well written, but neither appealed to me. "Blockade Billy" is definitely geared for the sports fanatic, it contains a lot of heavy duty baseball writing and terminology while "Morality," focuses on money, relationships, and you guessed it... morality. A quick read with good suspenseful build up and witty dialogue.

Milk and Honey

Wow. This book of poetry was raw, compelling, and impossible to put down. I rushed through it but now I want to start over so I can savor it. It's hauntingly beautiful and easy to relate to. It's broken into four parts: the hurting, the loving, the breaking, and the healing. The poems range in length and some even have accompanying sketches. Rupi Kaur mastered the art of conveying deep emotion with minimal words. I can't get over how beautiful and poignant this collection is. Definitely a poet to keep an eye out for and one whose books I will certainly add to my own personal collection because I know I'll want to revisit her words again and again.

Scythe

Holy cow! I've heard this book get hype, mostly from my teens, but I didn't realize how right they were until I finally plunged in! This book is fantastic! The concept is insanely unique, and the whole story is inventive and over the top amazing! In a world where humans have finally overcome disease, old age, war, and injuries there is nothing left to fear or learn. People can reset their clock and be younger, they can also reset their nannites to have higher metabolism, adjust hormones, depression, and other maladies. They can even be brought back to life from extreme accidents. There is nothing to fear, except for the scythe. Since humanity has overcome every obstacle, the only problem now is overpopulation. The scythe are tasked with random killings to keep the world in balance; they are a terrible necessity. Two teens are about to get real intimate with the dark side of humanity when a scythe has chosen them to become his apprentices. They must learn the best ways to "glean" (killing is a dirty word), and how to do so with humanity and humility. A wonderfully different book. My review will not do it justice!

Traitor to the Throne

A stellar follow up to Rebel of the Sands, not quite better but damn close. Traitor to the Throne picks up right where Rebel of the Sands left off and it's a nonstop action ride the whole way through. Amani never catches a break! When she finds herself captured and taken to the Sultan's palace she is able to spy from the inside. What she learns shakes her to her very core and she's powerless to do anything about it. Her powers have suppressed by the sultan so she must find others ways to get information back to the rebel cause and help some innocents escape from the palace. Lots of twists and turns, and romance, and adventure, and all around badassery. I can't wait to see how the series is wrapped up when the third book comes out later this year. Traitor to the Throne ended crazy and I must know how it all plays out!!